Posts Tagged 'mythology'


Goddamn it. 









Millennial Sisyphus keeps entering all the information from his resume into the web form, only for it to delete everything when he tries to move to the next page. He just goes back and types it all up again, over and over again, forever, and he never gets a job.

Millennial Tantalus has been promised that his unpaid internship will become a paid position as soon as the company has space for him. Every week he sees their new job posting. Every week he asks his boss if he can have a real job. The boss shrugs apologetically and says he’ll just have to make do with being paid in experience a little longer. He goes back and keeps working, over and over again, forever, and he never reaches the fruits of his labors.

Millennial Persephone can’t get a job without a degree, but because she had to take out loans to pay for college, she must spend 1/3 of her life working just to pay them off.

Millennial Cassandra’s title is Social Media Coordinator, she was hired to be the expert, but every time she tries to explain the problems in her company’s social media decisionmaking, the managers don’t listen…and end up hiring expensive PR flacks to repair the damage to their reputation when things blow up exactly as she predicted.

Millennial Medusa uses multiple shades of primer and opaque foundation to cover the scars snaking across her face, hiding the bruises, aligning the asymmetry in her broken nose and jaw. Red matte on the lips, green shimmer on the lids. Flawless liner on the first try. She’s had lots and lots of practice. She films her transformation in secret for all to see and learn, and again, men are turned to anonymous stone faces screaming in horror. “Liar!” “Witch!” “Take her swimming on the first date!” These words do not discourage her. These words are a challenge. GlamGorgonXx posts another video.

Millennial Prometheus uploads another PDF to his site. He’s lost track of the printing and edition of this textbook. He knows they just rearranged some of chapters then charge 150 dollars per copy, and the professor wrote the book himself. the ZIP fills uploads successfully, and he starts uploading the next one. He isn’t afraid of the potential lawsuit. knowledge shouldn’t held out of reach like this. 

Millennial Arachne spends every dime and every minute she can spare with her yarn. Weaving, knitting, crochet, she does them all. Everywhere she goes, she takes her yarn and hook or needles or even a small loom with her so she can keep working in her downtime. Everyone who sees her work adores her work; she can make yarn do anything but deal cards. But when she tries to sell her work – at the price of materials plus a dollar per hour of labor – everyone says “yeah, it’s great, but you charge too much, you need to bring your prices down a little” and walks off to buy the exact same thing with a trendy designer label sewn on for twice as much. The next day, they come around and ask her if she’d be willing to knit them a scarf or a baby blanket or crochet a toy dog for their child’s birthday. In exchange? “I’ll invite you to the party. You can have cake.”



me: *only just kinda realizes that fenris was probably called fenris because the whole point of the fenris/fenrir mythology is he breaks free from chains*

honestly though fenris probably should have like. hacked off danarius’ hand. im just saying.

HAHA BUT ALSO leto refers to a goddess in greek mythology who couldn’t escape the lust of zeus and the wrath of hera (danarius and hadriana?? ooOOOO) and as far as i can remember was cursed to never set foot on land but found safety on a floating island. oh and gUESS WHICH ANIMAL SHE’S ASSOCIATED WITH I’LL GIVE U A HINT IT RHYMES WITH IT’S A FCUKIGN WOLF










Right away, Aphrodite popped into my head.


If you are ever actually in this situation, pro-tip: name Persephone.  Half the goddesses will be too surprised to smite you immediately and while Hades won’t do you any favors he may at least high-five you while your on your way down.

Another tip: name Mesperyian. Not only will you shock everyone, including her (since Aphrodite was a jealous ho who burnt half her face off), but you’ll win Hades’ favour. As his most beloved daughter, anything that praises her will make you a kind human to her, an okay human to him, and a genuinely good person to anyone else.

I heartily endorse this alternative answer.

I love how all of this advice leads to “please Hades at all costs.”


Well if I’m gunna be chillin in the underworld might as well get in good with the Lord of it.

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Ancient Greek Lady-Monster Valentines, because I love the morbid sense of humor I develop around these gals. HERE is a full-resolution printable sheet of all four, the page is 8×10.5 inches.

Featuring a Siren, Sphinx, Medusa, and also Eris. She isn’t exactly a monster but shhhh. I referenced their appearances from ancient art, though I have to admit I kind of took artistic license with Medusa’s face and hair. The original Gorgons had scary-ugly faces and normal hair with a couple snakes. A head full of snakes is just so much more fun to draw…!

I have buckets more ideas for these, so I might do more! Because if a joke’s worth making it’s worth running into the ground, that’s what I say 😀

Ecce monstra!


Oak and Linden

A tale and a
translation from Ovid’s Metamorphoses: the myth of Baucis and Philemon in the
persons of Hawke and Fenris, in their retirement.

Author’s Note: Tuesday, Jan. 26 is “In Any Universe” day for FenHawke Week 2, calling for crossovers and AUs. Discarding vague ideas of a Star Wars or Princess Bride crossover (not saying that I won’t come back to those ideas someday, though…) I decided to go with something from mythology. My favorite thing in Ovid’s Metamorphoses: Baucis and Philemon, one of the few (only?) with a happy ending. Fenris and Hawke need a happy ending, so I made it work for them! Also, it means Aged!Hawke and Aged!Fenris, surprisingly pleasing to write.

Also, I’ve been wanting to take a shot at podfic, since I used to record stories and, well, sort of discjockeying for (and edit/produce) a LOTRO podcast. I liked the sound of this as I read it out loud while proofreading, so I just went ahead and recorded it.

After the story itself, below the cut you’ll find my first draft (just replacing names from the original, really) and my rough translation of, as well as the Latin text of, the original story in the Metamorphoses, for the curious.

The years have
not been kind, but we have been kind to each other. Fame and infamy alike have
forgotten us in our old age, and we’re fine with that. It’s not much, this hut
of ours in the foothills of Sundermount, but I have Fenris and he has me and we
never really needed anything more than that.

But I know what
it is to be a refugee, and he knows what it is to be a fugitive, and so when
the strangers knock on our door, of course we welcome them in.

He’s an elf and
she appears human, an old woman and a bald man. Not so different from
ourselves, though Fenris has kept most of his hair while the years have faded
mine as white as his. I’m fairly sure those aren’t just walking sticks they
lean on; I know a mage’s staff when I see one, considering the number of mine
we’ve sold off over the years when the garden wasn’t all it could be. The sort
of magic this quiet life of ours needs rarely calls for a staff, after all.

“Void take a
night like this, hm?” I say with a nod to the downpour outside as I shake out
their sodden cloaks and hang them to dry at the hearth.

The bald elf
exchanges a glance with his companion. “Perhaps it shall.”

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